Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Love and Loss

She came to us as a puppy, just four months old.  A little bundle of black fur and long legs.  She stayed small for only a short time, quickly growing to nearly 90lbs.

She was part Border Collie and part White-Tailed Deer.  With her high hips and pointy nose she might have passed for a Greyhound was she not so big in the body.

She welcomed all visitors with a high pitched "URRROOOOOOOOOOO," a strange growl that sounded more like a moan. 

Determined de-stuffer of all things fluffy she would make quick work of any toy that SantaPaws brought her way.   Needle-Nose, as she was affectionately named by my uncle, she was voted most likely to spill your drink by tipping your elbow with her snout.  She would smother you in doggie licks if you let her.

She could run like the wind and jump like a gazelle.  We named her Jersey in tribute to the home state of the Monkey Maker.  She was our first joint enterprise.  We loved her so much.

In the early days before there were Monkey's, there was just me, my love and "The Furr."  A family of three. 

We would lie on the floor of our small warehouse apartment and daydream about our future.  She would snooze peacefully between us, not a care in the world. 

Back then the nights were late and the mornings long and lazy.  Most weekends were spent laying around and watching "House Rules" (the original Do-It-Yourself reality show) eating Doritos at 8AM and dreaming someday of owning our own home to fill with kids and furry friends for our Jers. 

And we did. 

The years passed and the Monkey's came. First one, then two, then three. Through it all she was faithful, loyal and loving.  She was so patient and kind to the Monkey's as they grew.  Even in her last days, she wanted only to be with us where we were attempting to climb stairs that her poor worthless legs wouldn't allow her to climb. 

Driving home from the appointment, my car is quiet and I am alone.  She is gone.  I have cried all of my tears.  I left them all in the little room.  Tiny splashes on the floor, drops of sorrow.  I am left with only memories. 

I think back to a Christmas Eve many moons ago.  Snuggled under blankets on the floor, bathed in the gentle glow of the lights on the tree, the Monkey Maker turned to me with tears in his eyes.

"Someday she won't be with us on Christmas eve."  He said to me softly, his sadness born in the realization that by allowing himself to love something so much, he had opened himself up to the loss that always comes with it.  That's the trouble with love.
We love you, Fuzz.  I know where you are going there will be great fields of tall grass to run through. 

I will never forget the smell of your feet. (still one of my favorite smells) 
I will never forget the soft fur behind your ears. 
I will never forget the sound of your hello, demanding a greeting and some biscuits.   
I will never forget your gentle brown eyes. 
I will never forget you, Blackula. 

Love you forever.

Friday, June 3, 2011


It's more than just a fragrance by Calvin Klein.

What is my current obsession, you may ask?

It is my "blog book."

I am in love with my blog book.  I am obsessed with it.  I dream about it.

I think of the world in terms of how it would fit in a 8 x 11 gridded layout. 

I see my children as "images" and visually format the world around them to fit into the various layouts provided by "Blurb."

I see conversations in various fonts and type styles. 

I am obsessed. 

Surely this obsession will result in great financial gain for my family.  Right?


Publishing (printing) my blog book will likely be costly and unrewarding for anyone except me.  But...I don't care.  I am obsessed.

My blog is something of a journal.  A digital record of what was happening in my life as the days flutter by.  The blog book is a way of making this record permanent.  And I love it already.

In recent days I have disappeared from my life behind a blue glowing screen, formatting, font changing and forgetting about all other responsibilities. 

There are several ways to turn a blog into a book.  Blog2Print is one method, with a few simple keystrokes, your blog is laid out in a gorgeous spread. 

But true to form, I could never do anything this simply.  So instead, I spend COUNTLESS hours working on my "BookSmart" application, a program provided by Blurb. 

This program allows the user to customize EVERYTHING.  The possibilities are limited only by the number of hours in a day a person can spend on something this frivolous. 

Will I include every post, even the nonsensical rambling ones (like this)?  That remains to be seen.  What I do know is that eventually I will submit my blog book to publish and it will have been a labor of love. 

A big, fat birthday gift to myself.  Deadline for completion, June 25th.