Old habits die hard.

In an effort to streamline the usual morning activities I decided to take out medications for the various members of my family and place them on the counter.  This includes the latest medication for my 8 year old dog, Jersey, (Part black lab, part greyhound, part neurotic old lady) who was recently diagnosed with an underactive thyroid.

As I fumbled around the kitchen preparing my coffee and cursing myself repeatedly for having a.) forgotten to set the alarm b.) eaten that pint of Ben & Jerry's and c.) not appreciated my body when it was thin, I wrapped Jersey's pill in EVIL white bread creating a "bread ball" if you will. 

I set the bread ball down and kissed my husband goodbye - the real blame for the unset alarm falls squarely on his shoulders, but whatever.  I walked him to the door and we both swore (AGAIN) that we are NOT ORDERING PIZZA TONIGHT.  Regardless of the fact that it is raining and soccer will surely be cancelled and there is REALLY good TV on tonight....I digress.

I shuffle back to the kitchen, call Jersey over to get her meds (she has more than any of us) and THANKFULLY glance down to find her thyroid pill still laying on the counter.  Hmm....I remember putting something in this bread ball. 

I pull open the doughy clump to find my anti-depressant resting neatly inside. 

I pop the pill in to my mouth, take a swig of coffee and then laugh hysterically. 

"So...Jersey's thyroid condition hasn't improved but she doesn't really seem to give a shit."

and this is how my day begins....but it can only go up from here????

That remains to be seen:)

21 days...

They say it takes 21 days to make/ break a habit so...here I am on day 2.  I am going to excercise for 30 minutes per day, EVERYDAY - for 21 days.

So far no habits have been made or broken but...I feel better, or maybe just sore. 

I am feeling hopeful and overwhelmed.  Is that possible? 

I do feel a little like I am running on a treadmill - expending so much energy with very little to show for it.  Just sweaty and tired, but still in the same place I started. 

I wonder if I will ever stop being a slob?  I spilled coffee all over my living room carpet.  The carpet is light cream, the coffee was not.  It looks like a coffee related murder scene.  I attempted to clean it up as I rushed to finish the morning essentials and get out of the door on time. 

I am sure there will be a stain.  A reminder of my slobbiness.  Something else for my husband to clean up. 

But I did get to work on time. 

I did not bring two matching gym shoes.  Two different left sneakers in fact.  And this is my life. 

Running around, never really going anywhere. 

But I am in love with my husband.  In love with my children.  In love with the smell of their clean, freshly washed hair.  Breathing in deeply and nuzzling thier necks with my face.  This is how I wake them.   On the days that they don't wake me. 

It is almost unbeleiveable that I created these amazing little creatures.  Me, the person who can't get a cup of coffee upstairs without leaving a trail of drips.  Me, the person who can't complete a load of wash without including at least one chapstick, a green crayon and 15 tissues.  Me, the person who isn't sure she was meant to be a wife and a mother. 

And yet I am.  And I love it.  I love them.  I love my life.  My coffee stained, two left sneaker kinda life.