Sticker Shock

I am a sticker chart failure.  A Smiley Face dropout.  I admit defeat.  I give.

 I. Say. "Uncle."

At the start of this thing, I had excellent intentions.  I wanted to help my children become better people.  Better listeners, better helpers, better friends.  I wanted my children to learn lessons about "earning" privileges.  I wanted them to see the connection between their behavior and the outcome. 

I attempted to do this in a primarily positive way and enlisted the help of my sister, who regularly acts as my on-call behavior specialist.  Her ideas were excellent but somewhere in the follow through I got lost. 

Somewhere between rewarding my voluminous 6 year old for using his "inside voice" and finding the strength to NOT THROTTLE my "terrible 2 year old" I lose my way. 

I want to be able to reward the good behavior with a sticker when I "catch them being good" but this escapes me as the little one, who is experimenting with both tantrums and testing the limits of gravity, hurls herself repeatedly out of her time-out seat onto the floor.   

In these moments, I see RED.  

I just lose my shit. 

There is yelling and and there are threats. 

Unattainable demands and impossible consequences. 

"If I hear one more sound you are going to bed for the rest of the day."  It is 6AM.

And there the sticker charts hang.  Impotent.  Forgotten.  A daily reminder of how I fall short hanging inside the cabinet.  I glance up, shake my head.  I could add a few smiley's, a few stickers, but why? 

The chart was just fine, it was the user who failed. It was my failure to hold them accountable, to teach them the benefits of making good choices. I was missing something in translation from adult expecations to a childs age appropriate abilities. I couldn't make it stick.

How can I teach them accountability if I can't keep up with the damn chart?

I tried.  And I failed. 

I do not get a sticker.