I stand in my closet. I stare at the assortment of clothes. Long sleeve, short sleeve, sweaters, cardigans, pants, skirts, capris. And nothing, not one thing fits.
I remember a girl who used to fit in all of it. A girl who was too small for most of it. A girl who used to complain that she was "fat."
I'd like to smack her.
This is the worst way to start a day. Staring at so many clothes, and knowing that the only thing that fits is the jewelry.
I wonder what it is that happens everyday between the agony of the closet drill and the late afternoon binge that allows me to forget how HORRIBLE I feel as I stand in my closet.
I don't understand the disconnect. I am an intelligent person who is knowledgeable about food, calories, exercise and nutrition. Yet there I am, again and again, standing in front of the food pantry at 4 pm - shoveling empty calories into my gullet. And there I am, standing in my closet, on the verge of tears knowing that nothing will fit.
Why can't I break this cycle?