Tuesday, November 16, 2010

When the lights go out...

I open the garage door and stumble down the three steps tripping over an unseen pair of shoes.  The owner of these shoes is a six year-old, too smart for his own good, who will inform me that "Daddy said to put my shoes in the garage and the steps are part of the garage."  True story boy wonder, however, you are too young to be a smart ass. 

I recover from my fall and it occurs to me that when I flipped the switch the light didn't come on. Awesome.  The garage ceiling is only 15 feet high, switching those light bulbs should be a snap.  Sure.

I feed the dogs in the darkness and then trip again on the same sneakers as I go back into the house. Nobody to blame this time, just me.

I head downstairs to the office to do some writing as it is 4:30 AM and I have one hour until I need to shift into working mommy mode.  I flip the switch to the basement and 4 of the 6 lights come alive.  Seriously?Two more bulbs?  I guess I should just invest in G.E.

I finish my writing and head up to the top floor of my house with just enough time to shower, get dressed and then start waking the monkeys...I mean....children.  I flick the switch with my coffee holding hand and nothing.  Are you starting to see a pattern here?  I didn't.

I grumbled about the stupid, effing light bulbs some more and showered in darkness which was actually quite nice as it prevented me from seeing a full length version of my naked self.  The bluish glow from the TV in the other room gave me just enough light to do what needed to be done and get on with my day.

I wish that I could tell you that I then changed all the light bulbs and that is when I figured out that circuit had blown.  I wish I could tell you that I am the kind of person who takes care of things like this.  I wish I could say that...but I can't.

I showered in darkness for three days.

It was not until my husband called me in the middle of a tirade of swears that would make George Carlin blush  that I learned the real reason the lights went out.

Apparently the Bleeped-a-Bleep Bleeping Bleeper Circuit had blown and the Bleeping Mother Bleeper Garage Refrigerator had been off for days and there was a bunch of Bleep Bleep Bleep meat that went bad. 

So... the moral of the story is this.  Never shower in the dark.


  1. As strange as it may seem, I feel scared to shower in the dark now as you just suggested to never shower in the dark. I've been showering in the dark for years now.........Well, I suppose I should just say I don't turn on any lights until after I've showered and mostly dressed. In the winter months (like now) it's almost always dark. In the summer, it's always light enough no lights are needed.

  2. You are funny - I'm not sure you were trying to be funny...but I laughed:)

  3. Duly noted!

    But I would have played it out like you did too.

  4. I was going to do that tomorrow, but now that I've read this post, you can bet I'll be rethinking my plan! :)

  5. This is so something that I would have done :)