Monday, February 14, 2011

Serenity Now

There has been a lot going on in my life as of late, not the least of which is a very positive pregnancy test.  And while I didn't worry when I saw the "Pregnant" appear on the Clear Blue Easy test stick, I worry now. 

I am a worrier by nature.  I have an anxious personality that causes me to stress about things, big and small that are wholly out of my control.  For this I take medicine and it helps, GREATLY.  But there are some thoughts that still creep into my worried mind.  They gnaw at the edges of my consciousness, demanding attention, refusing to stop until given their due.
I fear that something may happen to the pregnancy because we are still so very early in.  I worry that something may be wrong with the baby's health or development.  I worry about the finances of raising four children.  I worry that our time, already stretched rather thin, will leave someone lacking. I worry about the logistics of transporting and managing a family of...holy shit...there will be SIX of us?!?!?!?!?!?

"Hey," My love says to me taking me by the shoulders and looking into my eyes,  "Will worrying stop something bad from happening?" 

"No." I say tentatively.

"Then lets just be happy now because... we are happy.  Lets celebrate this new life because it is here and if something happens, we'll worry about that then.  Let's be joyful because this is a wonderful thing."

The man has a point. 

And so, I take a deep cleansing breath.  I enjoy a few minutes of calm before this morning's storm and I say a quiet prayer.  

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.  

I'm not what one would consider a "religious" person but I'm pretty sure that only a power greater than me can help me now.

5 comments:

  1. Trudging up the hill is part of the ride--enjoy it all!

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  2. Serenity Now reminds me of George Constanza running around screaming Serenity Now!

    I've had the moments where I've had to whisper those words though. (hugs)

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  3. *Breathe in*

    *Breathe out*

    *Continue being awesome*

    (The three steps to peace.)

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  4. Thanks guys - I'm still breathing:)

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