"I just bought all the stuff for my garden all by myself!! It only cost $50!!!"
"Aren't you proud of me?"
"Sure." This is a typical conversation between the Monkey-Maker and myself. One where I list my accomplishments seeking credit for a job well done. This is the story of my life.
For my accomplishments, great or small, I desire credit. I want another person to validate my efforts.
This need is something of which my children are aware.
Middle-Monkey throws his arms around my neck, “Mommy, thank you for making this delicious dinner!” (**side note: the "delicious dinner" he is referring to is re-heated spaghetti from my mother and meatballs from my Mother-in-law. But in my defense, pushing that 30-second button on the microwave three times really knocked it out of me.**)
“Good job peeing on the potty Mommy!”Mini-Monkey praises me as she accompanies me to the bathroom for the 76th time today.
Monster-Monkey exclaims at 100 decibels, “Mom, I’m so proud of you for staying awake for the whole show!" OR "Look Mom, you only spilled one time carrying your coffee!!”
I like to receive credit.So sue me.
I am PAINFULLY aware of the things that are not my strengths.
Organization, for example. And cleanliness.Not a strong suit.
I am a distractable shopper and possess very little follow through.
I have a shoe buying addiction and it seems that the fatter I get the more impractical the shoes get...
I am a perfectionist and a control freak. I am a perpetual klutz.
And I have credit problems.
So when it does get clean, when it does get organized, when the coffee makes it to the top of the steps with zero drips....I better get some credit.
Knowing my strength lies in my creativity, for years I have sought an outlet to showcase my work. There have been countless Shutterfly creations and family videos. I have designed wedding invitations, programs, save-the-dates. But nothing has been able to scratch that itch.
I was sucked in immediately. Feedback from strangers? People that didn't give birth to me telling me that I am good?
I loved it. From day one.
However, here I am 156 posts later. And I want credit.
I want to be known. I want to be read. I want to be liked. I want to be followed.
I tried to quit, I really did. I attempted to "refocus" and remind myself of why I blog.
I blog because I love to write. But truthfully, I love to write what people will read.
I blog to capture the essence, the spirit, of parenting in this moment. To pave a memory lane for my offspring to travel someday.
I blog to connect with others and with myself. Some of the most significant connections I have made through blogging have been with my own family.
I tried to let it be just what it is. An opportunity for me to plug in and reconnect. But...
Now, I'm obsessed again. Checking stats every 20 minutes, just to see if there have been any new comments.
But there aren't. Just the few, the faithful. And of you readers I am likely not deserving. But I still pine. I ache. For more.
And so I ask you, how do I fix these credit problems??