Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Love and Loss

She came to us as a puppy, just four months old.  A little bundle of black fur and long legs.  She stayed small for only a short time, quickly growing to nearly 90lbs.

She was part Border Collie and part White-Tailed Deer.  With her high hips and pointy nose she might have passed for a Greyhound was she not so big in the body.

She welcomed all visitors with a high pitched "URRROOOOOOOOOOO," a strange growl that sounded more like a moan. 

Determined de-stuffer of all things fluffy she would make quick work of any toy that SantaPaws brought her way.   Needle-Nose, as she was affectionately named by my uncle, she was voted most likely to spill your drink by tipping your elbow with her snout.  She would smother you in doggie licks if you let her.

She could run like the wind and jump like a gazelle.  We named her Jersey in tribute to the home state of the Monkey Maker.  She was our first joint enterprise.  We loved her so much.

In the early days before there were Monkey's, there was just me, my love and "The Furr."  A family of three. 

We would lie on the floor of our small warehouse apartment and daydream about our future.  She would snooze peacefully between us, not a care in the world. 

Back then the nights were late and the mornings long and lazy.  Most weekends were spent laying around and watching "House Rules" (the original Do-It-Yourself reality show) eating Doritos at 8AM and dreaming someday of owning our own home to fill with kids and furry friends for our Jers. 

And we did. 

The years passed and the Monkey's came. First one, then two, then three. Through it all she was faithful, loyal and loving.  She was so patient and kind to the Monkey's as they grew.  Even in her last days, she wanted only to be with us where we were attempting to climb stairs that her poor worthless legs wouldn't allow her to climb. 

Driving home from the appointment, my car is quiet and I am alone.  She is gone.  I have cried all of my tears.  I left them all in the little room.  Tiny splashes on the floor, drops of sorrow.  I am left with only memories. 

I think back to a Christmas Eve many moons ago.  Snuggled under blankets on the floor, bathed in the gentle glow of the lights on the tree, the Monkey Maker turned to me with tears in his eyes.

"Someday she won't be with us on Christmas eve."  He said to me softly, his sadness born in the realization that by allowing himself to love something so much, he had opened himself up to the loss that always comes with it.  That's the trouble with love.
We love you, Fuzz.  I know where you are going there will be great fields of tall grass to run through. 

I will never forget the smell of your feet. (still one of my favorite smells) 
I will never forget the soft fur behind your ears. 
I will never forget the sound of your hello, demanding a greeting and some biscuits.   
I will never forget your gentle brown eyes. 
I will never forget you, Blackula. 

Love you forever.


  1. I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is hard, even though we all know they won't outlive us, I guess somewhere deep down we hope they do.
    And what is it about puppy paws! They smell like dirty fritos and I love it. Which is strange but at least I'm not alone.
    She sounds like she was loved and had a good life. She was lucky to have you guys.

  2. Yes, Fritos, I love that. What is it about their feet. Well, unfortunately I know exactly how you feel. I lost both of my dogs this year (one 12 yrs and one 11yrs). I cried reading b/c it is still too hard for me. They were like my children. As you know, I lost my first baby this year as well b/c of molar pregnancy. They were w/ us 24/7. They went to all my soccer games, every real estate appt, etc. I had the best times w/ them. They were my family and my best friends. Sorry for the long comment, I just feel your pain and I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad she had such a wonderful life w/ you. Again, my condolonces.

  3. Beautiful words to describe a beautiful doggie soul! She was one of a kind and I cried and cried reading this. Sorry for your loss! We loved her and we LOVE you all too! Rest in Peace Jersey!

  4. What a beautiful post. I feel your loss. I love the smell of my pups' feet too, how funny.

  5. ((HUGS)) and Prayers. We lost our beloved Ali a few months ago and it is a hard loss. May the memory of her warmth remind you of the wonderful years you had with her.

  6. This is late, but I wanted to let you know how sorry I am. That is the horrible part about pets, isn't it? They can't stay with you.