Great Expectations

In sports as in life sometimes the value of the lessons learned in failure outweigh the importance of the success you thought you desired.

On paper, the facts of the brackets showed a clear road to a state title.  He had wrestled many and pinned most of the opponents he would stand to face on his way to the championship.  Unfortunately, for him, the facts of the bracket were wrong.

How can I say this plainly?  Well...he shit the bed.

From the first whistle, anyone could see there was a different kid wrestling.  Where there once stood a confident and fierce competitor was now a timid boy, wrestling scared.  

He had set the goal a year before.  He put in the hard work.  Two practices a day, summer workouts, tournaments against the toughest competition he could find both in and out of season until finally the weekend arrived.  

Everyone expected him to win and ultimately that was his undoing.  The Great Expectations. 

Turns out while he was building his endurance and strength on the mat, he had not focused on his mental toughness and crumbled under the pressure.  

Who is putting pressure on him you ask? His parents? His coaches? His community?

His answer..."myself."

Everyone had expectations for him this past weekend.  To wrestle like a stud.  To stand on top of the podium.  To be the champion. 

“What do you think they expect of you?” I ask. “To win everything.” He replies, “doesn’t that pretty much sum it up?”

What is the difference between goals and expectations? Goals are quiet and subdued.  Orderly and methodical, like accountants of the mind.  Expectations are noisy and demanding, a lot of sizzle, no substance.  

A kid who had quietly maintained a solitary pursuit toward his personal excellence suddenly found his carefully measured progress hijacked by a group of well-meaning supporters. Outside voices filled his head. His goals gave way to the expectations of others introducing the notion of letting people down.  His parents, his coaches, his community. 

It was too heavy a burden and he could not get out from under all the pressure.  

He hung his head in shame on the long drive home and we were left to pick up the pieces of our broken boy.  No words could make it better.  We assured him the heartbreak was not in vain. 

He will learn from this experience.  Learn about the high cost of buckling under the pressure.  He will learn how to keep the expectations at bay and keep focus on the central goal.  

Someday when life hands him a high-pressure situation he will have this to reflect on.  Someday when there is a lost job or a sick spouse. Someday when it really matters, he will be prepared to shut out the outside voices and fight.

There are two ways to lose in wrestling.  You can be beaten by a better opponent, which is a noble loss.  Then there is the other kind... where you beat yourself.

In loss, there is no one else to blame - no finger to point - just the man in the mirror.  Loss like that builds mental toughness.   Tough enough to beat back the Great Expectations and make silent delivery on goals achieved.