In a few short hours, the Monkey-Maker and I will travel to Maternal Fetal Medicine for the anatomical survey of our Monkey-in-the-Making.
It is a very exciting time for us, and so naturally my reaction is to worry. A lot.
With each minunte that ticks off the clock I think of 76 more things that could possbily go wrong at the ultrasound. Instead of being excited for the big " boy or girl" announcement I am worried about all the "what if"s?"
My twisted train of thought is that I haven't spent enough time worrying during this pregnacy and so now, something terrible will happen. I know....I'm sick.
We have been blessed with three perfectly healthy, wonderfully amazing Monkeys. Why should we be so lucky to have another?
These are the things that scroll accross the bottom of my mind, like the endless loop of sports news on the bottom of the ESPN channel. But scarier.
Fox News Channel ticker has nothing on me. Words like Down Syndrome, Hydrocephaly, Fragile X Syndrome, Spina Bifida and of course, Autism snake thier way along the bottom of my brain.
I realize in my rational head that there is nothing that can be done to predict or even prevent most of these terrifying birth defects. They are simply the luck of the draw.
As a longtime believer of the philosophy that the universe will not give you more than you can handle and in everything there is a "plan" I have to release my worry into the wind.
And so I will.
"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."