I find myself adrift in a sea of unfolded laundry and unfilled picture frames. Somewhere amidst the forgotten book fair money and unpacked lunches is my sanity, lost.
I find myself seated clad in only a towel feeding a baby who has learned to wail exactly three minutes after he hears the shower come on. My wet mop of hair drips down my naked back sending goosebumps over my body. The chill brings on a new growth of prickly stubble over my freshly shaven legs, oh well, at least I tried.
A battle ensues down the hall between two Monkeys, Mini & Middle over a Cabbage Patch kid and two match box cars. Anchored to the baby I am forced to yell from my current coordinates to try to quiet the fray, "Shoes & socks!!!! Brush your teeth!!!!"
I find myself squwaking from my chair that we are leaving the house in 10 minutes "with or without you" which we all know is NOT true. I watch precious moments tick off the clock as my hair drys sans product and will thus resemble a dirty dish rag placed atop my head.
When the baby FINALLY finishes his bottle I find myslef with exactly three minutes to throw on clothes that I can only hoep are from the "clean basket" and toss a hat on my head.
I find myslef on the ground floor and things here have not gone well. Cheerios have rained from the Heavens all over the kitchen and our dog has decided she prefers "Honeynut" to "Original" and will not be partaking in the bounty on the floor.
I find myself nose to nose with a still shoeless Monster Monkey find that his breath smells like his brother's feet. Apparently my earlier yelling was less than effective.
The Cheerios will have to wait as I now have bigger fish to fry. I threaten the Monster with the loss of all things electronic in order to get his "young ass" ready and out the door. That outta do it.
In the meantime Mini & Middle Monkey have resolved their conflict but have seemignly joined forces against me as I attmept to drag myslef out the door. Carefully navigating the narrow passage in the garage I find them underfoot every step of the way. I carry the "baby bucket, my cell phone and a pile of thank you cards that should have been sent out three weeks ago in one hand and my precious coffee in the other.
With both hands occupied I find myslef unable to open the door of the Hum-Vee we recently purchased, I am forced to set something down. Thinking it is inappropriate to place a newborn on the floor of the garage I place my coffee perilously on the roof of a riding lawn toy that occupies space in our cramped garage.
I swing open the door of the Tahoe and climb up so that I can hurl the baby into the middle seat. This is an acroboatic act deserving of it's own billing. The vehicle is ten feet off the ground and normal sized people need a running start to get in even when thier hands aren't full.
As the Monkeys scramble up into the car I hear the sickenng sound of ceramic hitting concrete and I know that my coffee has met it's demise. "Sowwy I spilled your coffee, Mommy." Mini-Monkeys says remorsefully.
"That's okay, peanut, it's not your fault." I reply, "It's all Daddy's fault."
I find myself silently cursing the Monkey Maker for taking my mini-van from me with the power sliding doors and amenities made for a mom.
At long last I find myself buckeled in and ready to drive the 1.2 miles to drop the boys at school. I am sweaty, stressed and seventeen minutes late.
Overwhelmed, I take a deep breath and with a quick glance in the rearview mirror throw the car in reverse. I catch a glimpse of my precious cargo, the loves of my lives and I find myself grateful. As much as I think I am lost at times, with them, I am found.